"God puts rainbows in the clouds so that each of us - in the dreariest and most dreaded moments - can see a possibility of hope." ~ Maya Angelou

{MMM} May Is Mothers Month, Happy Birthday!

{MMM} May Is Mothers Month! I get to honor you twice, Mothers day and your Birthday. Today, you would have been 64! Considering that you were born so prematurely and went on to survive, causes me to reflect on the miracle of my own birth. So many synchronistic events  had to take place for
you to live, and then to go forward in life, and despite doctors declaring you infertile, you gave life to  5 babies.  If you break it down, your single life produced 5 children, and from those 5 are 18 grandchildren, you are responsible for 23 lives so far, with the numbers growing as each decade passes. It's truly remarkable and miraculous. In 1948, fed with an eyedropper, and not expected to live, you made it!! You were born for greatness!  Today May 20, 2012, was also a solar eclipse. The Earth, Moon, and Sun are in alignment and the shadow of the moon covered the sun. I can't help but take this strait to the mythic. It's so symbolic to me of my own shadows, that cover my light from time to time, and how your death caused an eclipse that has lasted years not just minutes. The great news, is that I too was born for greatness, and have learned how to navigate my own heros journey, and find my light over and over again despite the shadows that have tried to take me down. The deeper meanings by mystics say that this solar eclipse is all about shedding our old stories, and stepping into the birth of new ones. I have learned to do this time and time again, and honor so deeply your life and death.  Because of the shadow or eclipse, I have learned to script new stories of triumph for myself and your grandchildren! I have learned to find the exquisite beauty in the dark, knowing for sure that my greatest learnings in life have come from that place. 

There is a passage in the book Motherless Daughters that I must share,

"In the redwood ecosystem, buds for future trees are contained in pods called burls, tough brown knobs that cling to the bark of the mother tree. When the mother tree is logged, blown over, or destroyed by fire-when, in other words, she dies-the trauma stimulates the burls' growth hormones. The seeds release, and trees sprout around her, creating the circle of daughters. The daughter trees grow by absorbing the sunlight their mothers cedes them when she dies. They receive the moisture and nutrients they need from their mother's root system, which remains intact underground even after her leaves die. Although the daughters exist independently of their mother above ground, they continue to draw sustenance from her underneath."

These Trees, continue to live through their mother. Through her root system, she supports them. From the dark, the shadow the underbelly of the earth, the daughters sprout up from their mother, and become  as grand as she was. As a child, I used to look up in the sky thinking that you were somewhere high above in the cosmos. What I know now today, is that you are here, everywhere that I am. You are in the trees, and the flowers, and the grasses, you are in the clouds and the moon, deeply rooted in my soul. Heaven is where we are, in our moments of solitude and reflection. When we are in nature, and find those places of beauty that take our breath away, that is heaven. And I am connected to you there. I think of you every-time I pass this tree near my home. It's incredible that the Lady shines through the surface of the bark for us to see, and that the birds have nested in the place of her womb. So much life springs forth from this place year after year.  Im going to the Redwood forest this year. I know I will meet you there. I have dreamt of sitting in the redwood forest, amongst the daughter trees, and touching the earth that contains the life blood of the Mothers. I will once again honor you there!! 

I love you so much that my heart aches! Thank you Mom for my glorious and miraculous life!! I am so full of gratitude for my amazing life lessons, that at times seemed impossible. I honor that place of the dark shadow. I have learned to tell new stories with every eclipse. My life is glorious and happy and full! 


p.s. I love how you apply your eye makeup. The dramatic cat eye look!! It's so sexy!! So are you!!

1+1=3 and From There Infinity

As I have a minute to myself today, I allow my tears to surface, to honor the pain of missing you! I was only 8 when you died. Since then many have come forward with the title of "Mother." I honor them all, even the mean ones! It was so sudden, so tragic, so sad and unfair and horrible. I became a mother when you left. At 8 years old, I learned how to prepare hamburger helper, sandwiches, soups. I did dishes and laundry, I cleaned bathrooms and changed diapers. The old icky cloth ones that had to be rinsed in the toilet. My small hands dunking and swishing diapers in the gross toilet. I didn't like it, but I did it. I wasn't good at it, but I survived. My heart ached for you, it still does. Over the years Mom, I built up walls to protect my heart, to quiet the sadness. I became a warrior a goddess. I learned how to do things to survive, even Man things. I can use power tools, and big plumbing wrenches. I can paint, and lift. I can rototill the dirt, and move furniture. I can dig holes, and lay tile. Im also good at the girl things, I love fashion, just like you! I love being creative and clever. But as for matters of the heart, I struggle a little more. Today I am 42, you have been gone 34 years. As I get older and wiser, I realize that it's time for the walls to come down. Im putting down the Man skills. I don't want to chip my nail polish with pipe wrenches, and power drills. It has taken me 34 years to learn that my fragile heart can be safe. Its time for the sacred feminine essence in my soul to emerge.  Your death, lead me down a new path into uncharted territory. Today, I am full of gratitude for the beautiful life I have created. Your children's children are remarkable, and I know you are so proud! I have found the most profound and lovely life lessons in all of the tragedies that followed your death! I love you so much! My mourning of you will take a lifetime, but my joy is greater, and my blessings more abundant for these lessons that have come from loss. When you married my father, it was 1+1=2.  When I came along the sum was 3, and after that it became infinite. You live each and every day through your children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and on and on for ever and ever. Happy Mothers Day Mom. I think of you every time there is a full moon. Thank you for your timeless creation. Thank you for allowing me to rise higher than I thought I could, for surviving more than I knew was possible, and for this very moment, where time stands still as I feel your soul touch mine. 

Can you feel my walls coming down? will you be there to catch me if I fall? Yes of course you will, because you are always there. I love you Mommy!! 


A man came home from work and found his 5 children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn around garden, The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and no sign of the dog, walking in the door, he found ...an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, the throw rug was against one wall, In the front room the TV was on loudly with the cartoon channel, the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel... She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?' She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world do I do all day?...
''Yes," was his incredulous reply..
She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.’

You are the entire ocean in one single drop!

"You are not a drop in the ocean, You are the entire ocean in one drop!" ~Rumi~
So simple, so true so wise.

Just a shift in perspective for today! You have such greatness, can you see it? Your beauty is from the inside out.  Find a way to honor yourself in this moment, what are your gifts and passions? What would you do if you had no fear? What are your dreams? You are great, unique and special, you are important. 

Carpe Diem ~ Seize the day!