Her soul found in a recipe box.. Why words matter... 11 weeks 6 days post op

Words are our most inexhaustible source of magic, words wound. Words heal. Words matter!
~Albus Dumbeldore~

Keeping a blog has brought focus and attention to WORDS. Im not a writer per se, but have found power and magic in telling my story. It has been cathartic for me, and looking back at all of my postings, is a powerful documentary that has let people into my world. I am leaving a journal for my kids. This chapter of my life has been documented. Why is this important??

33 years ago, my mother passed away from an aneurism. She was 29 years old I was 8. My father was left to manage 5 children, the youngest only 18 months old. His solution was another mother. Being an attractive man with a home and financial stability, made him a hot ticket on the singles market. It only took him 3 months to arrange nuptials and introduce us to a new mom. The woman he brought home had issues with the haunting idea that she was moving into another woman's home. Her solution was to have EVERY single thing removed. She literally erased any evidence that my mother existed. Like gesso on an old canvas, she created a clean slate to start fresh.  We were cut off from her side of the family, not to see them again until I would turn 17. It wasn't until I was 16, that I found an old yellowed obituary that restored my memory of what my mother actually looked like. Once I was able to reunite with my Grandparents (her mom and dad) I was able to scour through old boxes of her things that were taken away. In my searchings, I found many items that gave clues to who our mother was, but no Journals. She never kept record of her daily comings and goings, her beliefs, joys, happy times, hard times. Nada!
Being a motherless child, comes with a sense of identity loss. Knowing where you came from, helps to understand who you are. With no WORDS to help figure it out, I contacted anyone I could find that knew her and my request from them was their WORDS. "Please tell me what you remember," and in my pleadings, a few WORDS came back.  With newly discovered photos, and words of others, I managed to put together a small book all about my Mother. A puzzle with missing pieces, but enough to go on. I found old hand written recipes. Believe it or not, this was the only writing found from her, but many clues lay in the WORDS, and types of foods she chose to record. (It was as if a small part of her soul lived in that little box.)  A small recipe box full of words, produced many clues about who my mother was. She was a phonetic speller, and misspelled many words. She had pretty handwriting, and kept organized files. She loved cooking casseroles, and dessert. So many little ideas about her emerging in just a few words.

Why do I share this story? After years of trying to restore and remember a mother with no journals, I recognized the importance of keeping my own records for my children. And with the rising age of technology and the format of blogging, we can all share our stories, journeys, and adventures through life, and use their magic to preserve who we are, and help others along the way. I am a rule breaker, always have been. As I age, I find myself getting really comfortable in my own skin, and showing up in the world in right relationship with myself. I don't write my words in any kind of formal style. Im sure if my writing were to be graded, I may fail. But this doesn't matter to me because as a rule breaker, I get to let go of that pressure, and throw down MY words MY way. If I can find so many clues from a recipe box. I can only imagine what magic MY words will have for my children. Words matter and I find such true joy in sharing them.

What are your words? How can you share your inexhaustible source of magic by stringing together your  stories. Throw caution to the wind, type away. Share your magic, some day, someone out there will stumble upon your words, and they will "heal" from reading them!

By the way, In looking back at the old recovered photos of my mother, I realized that I got my cross/underbite from her. I then passed it onto my son. Another clue uncovered. And another commonality, She loved fashion! Alway put together in the highest of style, and she decked her kids out every day. I don't have a childhood photo when she was alive, where a single hair is out of place. My sister and I are much the same way. My kids get scruffy, but I've never met a pair of shoes or high fashion outfit I didn't love!!  Its an artistic expression of who I am, and who she was as well.

Cheers... now go write yourself some WORDS!!


  1. Your mother was a gorgeous woman! She would be so proud of her AMAZING daughter. Your attitude towards life is truly inspiring. Your children are incredibly lucky. And I thoroughly enjoy your writing, even if it would fail a grammatics test. :-)

  2. Love your words and love your story! You are an amazing viking butterfly! Thank you for sharing your power and your spirit soaring high!
    Love you!